The White Thumb

Staying at home comes with a lot of challenges believe it or not and I would like to shed some light on it. I think we as a society have been taught throughout many generations that our value is only visible through our actions and what we do in the eyes of others. We put a lot of value on peoples career titles. “I’m a VP of a tech company or I am a homemaker”. Which one sounds more interesting? Im sure we all thought VP because of how important career success is to our society. My intention is not to diminish peoples success in the workplace because I think it is EXTREMELY badass and of course part of me wishes I could do that in the corporate world but that is just not who I am or what I bring to the table. But that doesn’t make me or anyone any less valuable. I bring other shit and I personally think its good shit. Is what you do, your identity? No and It shouldn’t be. We are much more complex and interesting in who we are rather than what we decide to do for a career. A lot of us subconsciously still have the idea we don’t mean much unless we have a good career in the back of our heads whether we know it or not.

For me, quitting my job over a year ago realllly made me reflect on my own life and my beliefs about myself and how others perceive me. The past 365 days not working has really been a life altering experience for me and I want to share what has changed and how it has helped me grow in ways I never expected. In this blog post I will talk about my experience in hopes of finding individuals who have a maybe experienced the same thing or someone who may be trying to find themselves and they don’t know where to start.

In 2023 when I left my corporate job I was terrified but also relieved. I knew the job wasn’t for me anymore and that I didn’t fit in there as the company grew. My biggest question was “what am I going to do next?” Which also translates to “Where does my value come from, because it certainly can’t just be me?”. I remember leaving work on my last day and Billie Eilish’s song “what was I made for” was playing and I just began to SOB. I had no idea what I was doing or where I would go.

For more context I do have a husband and we made the decision together for me to leave my job. He is so supportive of me but because of my own insecurities I didn’t believe that he was ACTUALLY okay with it even though we had talked about it multiple times at that point. Now I sit here over a year later looking back and realizing how wrong I was about myself and that yes, my value does come from me being me and that is IT. My husband actually does love me alone. He doesn’t love me for the job that I had.

We come from a generation that encouraged HUSTLE CULTURE. I experienced this in the most pivotal years of my life where I was learning who I was. From 2011 to 2023, so from age 20 to 32 I thought I needed to be a boss babe who did EVERYTHING. I did Jiujitsu for an hour and a half, then did strength and conditioning for an hour, then went home and slept for 30 minutes, and then got ready for work, and I worked from 2 to 8, then the next day I worked for 12 hours, and then the next day I did the whole Jiujitsu and S&C thing again. JESUS lol no thank you. Doing that created this world in which if I wasn’t moving or doing I was being lazy.

Unfortunately, on top of that, the trade I was in as a hairstylist didn’t fulfill me and I couldn’t picture myself doing hair for another 5 years, which at that point would be 15 years, but I considered it because I thought I had to and that it was my only option. I also didn’t believe others valued hairstylists as much as they should and so therefore I didn’t really value myself and the hard work it took to get where I was. So then when I got the opportunity to work for a corporate office I was excited to be able to share that with others. While I do think the job was amazing and provided me with so many new learning opportunities I didn’t do it for the right reasons. Luckily in my final year of work in 2023 after 5 years in the corporate world, I got the title I was looking for after all of my coworkers were laid off. Then I realized what makes a job worthwhile for me is the people I was surrounded with and I lost my people. So when that happened I became too emotional for a large office. Everything I had worked so hard for was crashing down on me and I didn’t fit there anymore. The corporate culture is just wildly mmmm whats the right word……dehumanizing or so it felt to me? Anywho, what was I going to do? I don’t think I am meant for the corporate world yet where will I get my value? How am I going to make that much money again. I truly didn’t believe that would be possible. What will people think of me?

Now, I can proudly say I have dismantled everything I thought was powerful. You know what’s powerful? Sitting with yourself and your emotions and learning how to do it peacefully without thinking about what you need to do next and not even considering what others think. It’s powerful to move slowly and rest. Moving 1,000 miles an hour might feel good, but what are we really doing when we can’t stop moving? Are we avoiding our inner thoughts? Can we not sit with ourselves? Do we not value ourselves enough to let ourselves rejuvenate? Just like everything else in life, your career needs balance.

I promise you, you alone are much more valuable than your home, your job, your clothes, your relationship status etc. I hope we can all dismantle the belief that our value comes from what we do or what we have. Because you can have it all and still not be happy.

I challenge you to look at yourself when you’re restless and ask yourself why? Is there something in your life that you’re avoiding? Can you admit to yourself that you are avoiding something? (That’s the hardest part) Maybe you don’t see this yourself, but it can be reflected back to you in the relationships that you have, or you can find out through therapy. I do believe movement is a great for when your mind is restless while also believing that we should not forget about or abandon our minds. You can avoid it all you want but at the end of the day those same issues will always come back to the surface until you work through them. Once you do this, you will be able to give yourself grace in so many different difficult situations life throws at you. Obviously this is a never ending cycle, and sometimes you may go back to your old ways, but noticing when that happens is how you know you’re truly healing and you will be able to deal with any future hardships with more ease.

All this to say being a homemaker, because thats what I do and I do it well, has been fucking hard mentally but so rewarding. I do realize that even getting the opportunity to have the choice is a blessing! It dwindled me down to nothing and completely rebuilt me. I CANNOT imagine being a SAHM and how hard that is although I hope to experience that challenge soon and at the same time I cannot imagine being a full time working mom. Can we just acknowledge both are hard and both are interesting and both are valuable and you can learn so much from either! Our generation is finally seeing that and vocalizing it. I think I am more ready to be a parent now then I was 365 days ago. Shout out to all the badass women in my life. What you choose to do with your life is up to you and you yourself are valuable without any of it.

Ps: Still not pregnant and got a job opportunity to emotionally support animals for 15 hours a week because I enjoy it and then being a badass homemaker the rest of the time until I become a Mom! Haha I love this ERA for me!